At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
