Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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