I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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