My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
