I hope my margaritas pass through security.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
