I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Randomize
