I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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