you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
