I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
