Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
