I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
