my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Can you bring me the toilet please
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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