My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
