Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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