if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
