I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I think I just sharted jello shots
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