somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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