i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
