it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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