i will never coherently bang her
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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