dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
