Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
