the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Woke up backwards on a recliner
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
