This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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