Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
