Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
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