You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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