I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
