What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
