She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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