yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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