Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
