I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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