wake up i wanna do it froggy style
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
