if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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