Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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