I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Randomize
