I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
