I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
