My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
