I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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