so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
