my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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