then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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