If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
