A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
