Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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