sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
