I wanna bring you to show and tell
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
