I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
