I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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