I'm laying in your front yard are you home
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
