and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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