I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
