just come out here and I will go home with you...
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
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Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
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I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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