i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
