About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
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