You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize