Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
