just tell him i said nine months
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
