every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
