I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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