apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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