Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
