My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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