So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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