they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
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